The first decision to make: choose an oncologist. Okay, I guess the first decision was whether to choose fight or flight, but is that really a decision that needs to be made? To choose the quarterback of my team. The one person whose only goal was to do everything possible to make sure I survive. That’s not the surgeon. The surgeon only wants to cut – regardless of anything – to make a dime. The plastic surgeon, well, whether or not you get new boobs has no bearing on your likelihood of survival. But the plan the oncologist puts together? That has real life or death consequences.
I did what any semi-rational person in my place would do. I made an appointment with the top breast cancer oncologist in the area. She was not who my gynecologist – the man who was first in line in saving my life – recommended, but he was a gynecologist. Why would I follow his recommendation – an oncologist even younger than me who was new to the area – in favor of the top in the area?
My husband and I showed up for the appointment right on time. To a waiting room filled – almost no seats left – with other waiting patients. Hmmm… Did they overbook? Yep. They sure did. It took over an hour to be shown to an examination room. Okay. Not casting judgement yet. Sometimes an appointment can take longer than expected. And it can show that the doctor truly takes the time needed with each person.
The wait in the examination room took almost another 30 minutes. But finally – FINALLY!! – the doctor came in. And was nice enough. I mean, what did I really have to compare? I’ve never seen an oncologist before. And she seemed to ask a lot of questions. Only one problem: her cell phone kept ringing. And she kept answering it. The first time it rang and she answered, I thought to myself, “Wow! She really gives her patients full-time access. That’s great!”
But her phone didn’t just ring once. It rang CONSTANTLY. And every time it rang, she answered it. Without stepping out of the room. Yep! You got it! She talked with her patients WITH ME IN THE ROOM. I had no idea who these people were, but that didn’t matter. I didn’t want to hear about what someone else was going through and I definitely didn’t want anyone else to be privy to what I was going through. What she was doing to these patients, she would do the same to me.
Oh no. Alarms sounding. Lights flashing. I might need to rethink this. But, then again, she is touted as the best oncologist for breast cancer in the area. She has this reputation for a reason. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Maybe I’m just being overly sensitive. I mean, I don’t know who she’s talking to so why does it really matter? As long as there were no additional red flags, this could be something that I overlooked, right?
Why didn’t someone tell me to knock on some wood? Actually, probably better no one did. I shudder to think where I might be if I had. Because the red flags just kept coming. And in the most unlikely of places: the check-out desk. You’re probably asking, “What could happen at the check-out desk that could really be that bad?”
How about the people working the desk almost getting into a knock-down, drag-out fight? Yes, with us standing there. The colorful language and pairings of 4-letter words was actually quite impressive. They could both hold there own with the even the most delinquent of pirate crews. And they had very powerful lungs. I’m sure they could both be heard throughout the rest of the building outside the office. Were they aware that we were standing there? Yes. Did they care? No. I believe we are now at DEFCON 3.
Just please let me get through the next few minutes and let me get out of here with a little bit of sanity and serenity left. All I need to do is make my next appointment – to figure out next steps – and I will be out of here. The next available appointment. Please. “Okay, the next available appointment is 6 weeks from today at 11 a.m.” What!?!? Six weeks!?!? I can’t wait 6 weeks just to start to figure out what my next steps need to be! I need to get moving on this now! Yesterday! But no, the next available appointment was not for another 6 weeks. “Well,” I was told, “she is the top breast cancer oncologist in the area. You can’t expect her calendar to be open for you.”
I made the appointment anyway. At least I had one. And my husband and I walked out. He was pissed as all hell at everything we had just experienced. And me in tears. If this was to be my experience, I didn’t know how I was going to survive. And that is when we made the decision to make an appointment with the other oncologist – the one that was even younger than me and new to the area that my gynecologist had recommended.
The experience could not have been more different. I was able to get an appointment immediately. When we arrived, we were told that sometimes appointments can be delayed because the doctor spends the necessary time with each patient. We were delayed 5 minutes. Big deal. Sure, I answered a lot of the same questions I had already answered with the previous oncologist, but they were necessary and I was asked even more. Before I left, not only were my next 2 appointments with her scheduled – all within a week – but so were appointments with other doctors I needed to see.
But the efficiency of the office, the credentials of the doctor (which were more than impressive), these weren’t the best part. The best part was the doctor herself. Her personality. Her way of communicating with us as though she knew us – even thought it was our first time meeting – and we were all friends. Turns out the personality is why my gynecologist was pushing her so hard. He knew we were similar and that we would be able to relate to each other.
And here is my lesson for this week: Yes, you of course want to choose an oncologist that has the knowledge and credentials. But just as important is your personal relationship with your doctor. You are about to go through an experience unlike any you have ever before. You need to have a doctor who you can relate to, who you can communicate with, who understands your personality – and your significant other’s. This is the only way you can find your quarterback whose goal is to win the Super Bowl.